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October 15, 2019 - 9:30 am
I'm struggling with a lot of things at this point. Maybe writing them down will help to gain a different perspective.
And then I think about last year and how depressed I was about not being able to get a job and how I felt like a failure and I had come so far and was so happy by July and now it's just slamming down again on me full force. I am so grateful for the love and support that Jay has for me. I honestly don't know what I would do without him in my life, and my girls too.
So here I sit at 9:30 am on a Tuesday crying my eyes out with absolutely no idea what my next move is. I'm not worried about money or paying bills. I'm worried about what my life's purpose is. I guess this is why middle age men cheat on their wives and buy sports cars?
The only thing that I haven't given up on is my troop. It's been a struggle, but I seem to be pouring all of my effort into that, maybe because I find it fulfilling to help shape lives and give them possibilities? I wish somebody could pay me to do this and I can just make it my job. And no, I don't want to be a teacher!