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November 18, 2019 - 11:26 am


Today is my 2nd year Poundiversary. I'm just meh. I can feel myself sinking lower but don't know how to pick myself back up.
I think of everything I've gone through in the last 365 days.
Being unemployed and ready to start a new career, taking and passing my Group Fitness Certification course, losing 3 classes to gyms, working with some new places to get Pound on the schedule, only to it never happening. Going through Level Up and Amplify to increase my professional development. Struggling for almost 3 months to get paid for a summer's worth of classes... Highs and lows but the highs mostly stopped by May and it's been nothing but lows since then.
And so, I volunteer. It's the only positive thing I have going for me lately. But then last night the cadettes HATED the meeting. They hated it. I could see it. I was able to save it with something else, but the badge they picked was just boring. It's bad enough to lose them to outside forces. I just felt like a failure last night. If I can't do that right, then what do I have going for me? I went to bed early and defeated, only to wake up at midnight with my mind full of thoughts of how nothing seems to go my way and couldn't go back to sleep until 2.
I have to show my girls that you can't give up and hard work will pay off, and to follow your dreams but it's a long and hard road and I feel like I have given up at this point. I have absolutely no idea what to do with my life or where to even start to figure it out.
Last year this time, I was stressed and worried about money.
This is such a different feeling. I just feel lost and sad.
If I didn't have my amazing family,I don't know where I'd be right now. If I didn't have all of the volunteer opportunities with Girl Scouts, I don't know where I'd be.
Those two things are holding me together.
I can only hope that 2020 will bring great things. A new year, a new decade, and a new decade for me as I enter the 40's.

previous - next

The eve of eve - December 23, 2019
countdown is on - December 18, 2019
looking back on the decade - December 13, 2019
neverending lists of things to do - December 03, 2019
one month left - December 01, 2019