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June 04, 2015 - 10:53 am

fat :(

I had left off specifically at 5/16 in the last entry on purpose. But here it is 2 weeks later and I never finished.
I'll go back eventually, but I feel like writing about something else. After I got my IUD out, I was definitely feeling more like myself again. My libido came back full force. Lately it's been gone again. I think I figured out why. I've put on a few pounds, and for someone of my size, it makes a difference. The scale was saying 108. Now i was only about 120 when I was pregnant. At the end of 2012, I was down to 85 lbs. So that means I'm up 20 lbs! OK well 85 lbs was way too light and unhealthy, but 108 is too much for me. I feel FAT. Like really really fat. I have cottage cheese legs and grandma ass. I HATE IT. My clothes are starting to not fit me at all. Everything is tight in the thighs and hips. My waist really isn't big and I've never had a 6 pack so it's not even my stomach that is really bothering me. It's my big thunder thighs! The other day, my underwear was so tight around my legs that for 2 days after, it felt sore and raw! I've never had to watch my weight or anything like that but I guess getting older, I'm now going to have to. I don't really eat a lot- still about 1900 calories a day as I've been eating. It's just so frustrating for me.
So jay has committed to eating better this week and I'm trying to motivate myself to get back to the gym. I absolutely can't run on the treadmill. It hurts my knee. Yesterday I did my 4.3 mile route in under an hour. But I have to get up and out early before it gets too hot out.
I'd love to get back to 98-102 lbs. I think it's a good number range.
So I never seem to be in the mood because I'm embarrassed about how I look!
I've been trying to drink more water. I've been doing8 glasses a day all week, which is awesome, but man it makes me want to pee ALL THE TIME!

previous - next

archery instructor aka wonderwoman - September 25, 2017
missing jay! - September 15, 2017
trying to remember, and wishing I could forget - September 07, 2017
completely overwhelmed - September 05, 2017
16 girl scouts - August 25, 2017