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December 26, 2007 - 3:57 pm
december 26th
ok so it's been a long time. I'm super busy, especially now with going back to work :(
I really wish I didn't have to. I love being home with Cadence. I don't want to miss out on anything.
Yesterday was christmas. It was happy and sad all at the sametime. It was happy because it was the first Christmas for Jay, Cadence and I as our own family unit. She is the most beautiful thing in the world and by far the best christmas present ever. It was nice to just spend the day together- the three of us (well Judy was there in the morning with the present opening). The not so happy part comes with me thinking about my mom and how this might be her last Christmas, and how last year we said we were going to spend Christmas with my family since we had spent Thanksgiving with them in 2006. And the other not happy part was that we didn't spend it in a house of our own, again. It's been my goal for so many years now to buy a house and every year goes by and I still haven't met my goal yet. It's frustrating and disappointing and I feel like I'm not living up to my daughter's expectations (although I know she doesn't really have any yet). I feel like a deadbeat mom- can't even afford a house to live in, can't provide shelter for my family.
I did get my review and raise- 6%, which isn't bad. We've already been here 5 months and I haven't been able to save anything. I am so frustrated. I didn't buy Jay hardly anything for Christmas, I couldn't go out to get him anything and everything he wants is so expensive. It's not that I don't want to buy it for him, it's that I really can't afford it. I'm still trying to pay off the furniture we bought for his mom, and I did buy him a PS3 for his birthday (couldn't really afford that either, but I wanted to do something nice for him). Today Cadence is 3 months old already. Time is flying by. She sleeps 7-8 hours a night now, and if you put her on her belly, she'll roll onto her back. She got so much crap for Christmas that I don't even know what to do with it. To me, it's such a waste because she'll "play" with it for a couple of months and then outgrow it. I would have much rather received money for her college education (or car). Either way, we started a savings account for her, and I know that she'll appreciate it a lot more when she's older than a few toys that she won't even remember.
My mom bought me a pair of pajamas. jay bought me 3 pairs. I was going to return the ones my mom bought, but then I kept thinking- what if that's the only thing I have left to remember her by in a few years.
She's not well and I don't think she'll last to see Cadence grow up and that makes me so sad.
ok I'm done for now - I know it wasn't much but I can't concentrate.
previous - next
archery instructor aka wonderwoman - September 25, 2017
missing jay! - September 15, 2017
trying to remember, and wishing I could forget - September 07, 2017
completely overwhelmed - September 05, 2017
16 girl scouts - August 25, 2017
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