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May 19, 2020 - 2:10 pm

distractions from the elephants

Last week I just put my head down and tried to get through it.
Saturday I got a priority envelope from my dad. Medical bills that he paid that my mom had sent to him. Not sure why he sent them to me, said "thought you might like to have them". What to show that he paid what he was supposed to? That I was an expensive child with all of my doctor bills? I don't get it. But when I saw my mom's handwriting, I started BAWLING. I spent most of Saturday crying or in bed. Jay dragged me out to pick up a pizza from Erik and that's what we ate for dinner.
Sunday, mother's day. I hear someone pulling a piece of paper out of the printer in the morning to make a card. Found out it was C. So glad that she didn't wait until the last minute :eyeroll: I had two handmade cards and some roses. I hate fresh flowers. Waste of money. I told the girls I didn't want to celebrate so pretend it's a regular day.
I managed to have a mother's day class. Just 3 of us, but that's ok. I needed those endorphins to get me through the day. I picked grilled cheese and soup for lunch. I was working on the menu for the week and getting a shopping list together. We went to Sam's club too.
Monday we went food shopping.
Thursday I started putting class together and practicing. I did a little Friday too. Then we did something else. I tried to explain how I feel and maybe he gets it, maybe he doesn't, but I know he's there for me anyway. Even writing this I'm crying.
I feel like I'm just trying to find small distractions to get me through the days and keep my mind off bigger things, which isn't good. I need to address the elephants in the room.
Friday was a good night. We went for a long walk and talked to the neighbors. Convinced Trish to try pound on Sunday (and she showed up).
Can't remember much else of the last 10 days.
Sunday I baked cupcakes and made frosting and had class and a troop meeting.
Yesterday I got 4 rooms clean. It hasn't been two weeks but it's just so gross. Maybe it's a distraction, but I can't concentrate with the mess. Today I'm on room 2. I rearranged the couch. It's been slow going. I guess because I don't need to finish by a certain time, I"m not in any hurry. I dunno.
Last night I started plotting how to split the girls back into two rooms. It's going to be a big undertaking but I have some ideas.
Got just a couple more days of school left. At least I won't have to hound them to do that. Maybe they'll get re-interested in working on GS stuff.
I've been toying with the idea of doing my yoga cert but I've managed to become the most indecisive person in the world lately. I'm just stuck in quick sand not going anywhere, but I guess at least if you don't struggle, you won't sink faster.

previous - next

Quiet - June 04, 2020
and it got worse - June 02, 2020
may is over, thankfully - May 31, 2020
still trying - May 26, 2020
trying - May 25, 2020