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May 31, 2020 - 3:21 pm

may is over, thankfully

Well no one was on for my Plyoga class. Their loss. It was a good workout. Same with today's Pound class. No one...
So instead of May ending on a positive note, it's going out with the same enthusiasm that it's had since May 8th. At least yesterday my shoulder started feeling OK. I haven't even vacuumed the pool yet this week (don't think I did it last week either.. ugh)
We did separate the girls' rooms. J helped me with the bed and then once that was done, the girls and I did the rest. I ordered a small night table that delivered yesterday that I assembled and then I got a few more cube bins. In theory, the dresser can be moved into the spare room.
Friday was a crying day for me. I spent a lot of the day going through the clothes and posting them for sale.
I just feel like a big loser. I see my husband working hard, becoming successful, staying motivated, and I'm so happy for him. But it make me feel even worse about myself because I am none of those things right now. It's not his fault and I'm not mad at him. I don't want him to feel guilty.
Depression is such a funky thing. Nobody can fix it for you.
I just wish that I can stop saying "next month will be better". Why can't I just have a great month? Have something positive happen to me? Feel accomplished or motivated? I'm sick of waiting for tomorrow to be better. I want today to be awesome. Why can't it be?
I'm so tempted to do the 200hr YT.... but I hate spending the money.

previous - next

quickie - June 20, 2020
trying to get back to "normal" - June 16, 2020
"normal" days - June 08, 2020
Quiet - June 04, 2020
and it got worse - June 02, 2020