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May 14, 2018 - 11:02 am

continuation of the worst birthday in the history of birthdays

My birthday only got worse. Jay seemed to be angry with me that I wasn't feeling well. I hardly ate. Still went and taught. I struggled to get through it. I only had 3 people. It was disappointing. When I came home, the girls gave me homemade cards, which were both very nice. Jay had dinner on the stove so I sat and ate dinner by myself, and then I went to bed by 8:30. And that was my birthday. No cake, no singing, no presents. Just another regular day. I did figure out why I wasn't feeling great- at 8pm I got my period. yay...
Wednesday I woke up not dizzy but feeling pretty crappy. From not eating, I'm sure. I just wanted to start over and forget that I even had a birthday, put it in the past and move forward but Jay was continuing to ignore me. Again I barely ate most of the day, not even dinner. Something came in the mail for me. Jay said it was my birthday present. I said it wasn't my birthday anymore so he threw it out. Beth sent me a present- she says not a birthday present- just something to cheer me up. I opened it to be nice, but it's in the garage and can really go in the garbage. I was supposed to go to my leader dinner/painting party. I decided not to go. I didn't want to be around people. I also didn't think I'd be able to drive. So I stayed home and to bed early again.
Thursday things were a little better. Jay took me out to lunch, rubios. Then I got in touch with BOA to start the loan for the car.
Friday I just didn't feel like working. I was also trying to let work pile up so we started cleaning. We went to the council store on lunch and got a good portion of the house cleaned before the girls even got home from school. Then we picked up jay's car from service (again) and actually found mine at the service center. My delivery appt is set for Tuesday.
Finished most of the cleaning by Friday night and got chinese for dinner. Applied to some more jobs.
Saturday vacuumed the couch and mopped the kitchen. The shelves aren't done but I think that is all that was left. We got free tickets to see Showdogs at the movies so we went there and then attempted to take cadence clothes shopping (old navy, ross, target). She was not being helpful so we went home. I practiced pound- trying to choreo a song. Then I had the service team gala at Dave & Busters at 6 Saturday night. It was only dinner, no games. I was disappointed. Dinner was ok. Our SU got a $50 gift card, which will go towards food for our retreat. I got my pins that I should have gotten on Wednesday.
I got home a little before nine. Jay had taken something. He said he might. I don't think I want to ever again. ever. not after the way I felt this last time. It's not worth it to me.
We went to bed by 11. I was tired.
Yesterday, mother's day. Jade had made a booklet at school for me. She worked hard on it and was excited to give it to me. She also made me a picture. Cadence did nothing. She didn't even remember it was mother's day. We didn't do much. The girls went swimming. I sat by the pool for a little bit. Made them lunch. Had a couple of drinks. Then they were playing with electronics. I laid down for a while and ended up taking a nap. I just felt tired. Dinner was cheesecake factory door dash. We watched some tv and that was the day.
I just wish for one holiday, we could actually celebrate it and make it something big and fabulous. Everything is so low-key we might as well not even acknowledge it is a holiday of any sort.
And a week later, there still was no birthday cake; no singing. Friday jay fished my present out of the garbage and gave it to me. It was a new earring, one I said I liked but didn't want to pay for shipping..
Tonight is our last Daisy meeting of the year, their party/cookie reward-painting and ice cream.
Today I started training D&R accounting on my responsibilities. Guy offered me a 25% reduction in hours for a 25% reduction in pay. I need to leave and that's that. I haven't found anything yet. I'm trying; not as hard as I probably should be but I'm trying. I started working on my linkedin profile too. I am scared and nervous that I won't find anything but I need to try.

previous - next

officially unemployed! - July 15, 2018
scary future ahead - July 09, 2018
one more paycheck. - July 02, 2018
the unknown is getting closer daily - June 25, 2018
lots of catching up - May 29, 2018