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January 17, 2018 - 9:25 am

10 years since we last spoke

Here I am again on a Wednesday. Yesterday was a hard day for me. I realized that it was 10 years to the day that I last talked to my mom on the phone. I was crying most of the morning. Just feeling completely overwhelmed. I have been trying. I have a lot on my plate. And although I do like to be busy, I just feel like I'm failing. Work continues to take a back seat. I don't even feel like working until about 11-11:30 and then I'm scrambling to get things done. I just can't focus in the mornings anymore. I'm so distracted. I'm torn into 20 pieces trying to get things done which only gets 25% of everything done. It's been a bit quiet this week so I'm starting to finally finish up projects.
But now I have cookies coming on saturday with a parent meeting to plan (mostly done), a troop meeting to plan (done), booths to schedule (ehh working on it), a kids pound setlist for next wednesday (working on it- 50%), plus the usual house, homework, laundry stuff.
And then you have this week. January 19th and 20th. The two crappiest days on the calendar. This week is always busy with the start of cookies but weighs so heavy on my heart. I guess it's good that there's always something going on to keep myself focused so I'm less sad. I still take time to reflect, remember and pay respect, but I don't dwell.
Last week I managed to get Cadence's desk and the closet done. I can't find Jade's leappad though. I haven't torn the house apart, but things are pretty neat around here and it's not super small so there are only so many places it could be.
I went to Layal's class on Wednesday- that's how I'm getting her class next week. She's probably 6-7 months pregnant. I didn't really like her class but hey it gives me an opportunity to network and hopefully be her permanent sub. I also ended up subbing for someone I never met at a Y out in Mesa on Saturday. The fitness director pretty much offered me a job, but it's about 20 min one way. I told her that cookies were coming so my February is really busy but I'd keep in touch with her. A few of the students came up to me and said awesome class- so much more intense. I loved it... yeah made me feel really good.
Wednesday was also leaders meeting, which was fine. I went to Arby's for a mint shake but they didn't have any. I was pretty sad. Then I went to walmart and picked up brownies and donuts for the girls. Thursday I spent my night making stickers for Jay. He went and got shakes but I had already eaten a brownie so I didn't drink most of my shake. Thursday and Friday I skipped the gym. Was practicing pound. Jay and I went to Yogis for lunch.
Saturday after that class, we went to the mall. Athleta was doing a bunch of classes in the courtyard and Danielle was teaching Pound so of course I wanted to be there. I was exhausted Saturday afternoon. Sunday we went hiking to Treasure Trail Loop- Lost Dutchman. Free park entry for the weekend. It was kinda easy. Then we went to goldfield ghost town and walked around. Then we started hiking first water trail but the girls were complaining so we drove up to tortilla flat, which was so crowded. Then we came home and had lunch. Went to dollar tree and walmart. Jay dropped Cadence off at Lauren's for a sleepover. Jade was upset. We watched my little pony the movie and made a cake.
Monday I had to work of course. Jade was annoying all morning until Cadence came home. Went to Pound and rocked out. Went to the dollar tree to get red paint for Jade's book report project because the one I had was all dried up. Yesterday afternoon, we worked on the project together. She did the cutting and writing and I did the gluing. It's mostly done (just like everything in my life). Taught a song in pound. It so easy now. I don't even think about it, I just do it. And I was practicing my kids list last night after the girls went to bed.

previous - next

the wind-down - February 22, 2018
the saddest news ever - February 14, 2018
completely exhausted - February 08, 2018
2 weeks down, finally in the cookie groove. - February 04, 2018
cookie season has begun - January 24, 2018