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November 16, 2008 - 9:39 pm
new years resolution finally accomplished
i know i haven't written much this past year- maybe once a month, if that. I just can't seem to find the time. I don't know where time has gone, days fly by which turn into weeks, which have turned into months. It's November 16th. I lost my mom almost 10 months ago.
I've been an Arizona resident for over 6 weeks. The first week and a half with Jay gone was really hard for me, but things have been better since he got here. He got back on the 17th. We had a nice Saturday night together. We celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. Candace came over to watch Cadence so we could go out to eat- PF Changs. We took Cadence trick-or-treating on halloween. Some days she is adorable; other days she is a monster. I hope she has an early case of the terrible two's.
Work has me stressed. It's really busy, and with the economy the way it is and uncertainty in the pharmaceutical world, I don't feel secure with my position. I think we're up to 14 layoffs since July...
I work for 4 hours straight, cook lunch for Cadence and I, and then go back to work for another 3 hours. There is no time for potty breaks, or idle chatter. And when I am done working, it's 3 straight hours of Cadence.
I'm just tired; maybe even exhausted. I need to go to sleep by 9:30 to even feel rested in the morning.
The house.....
Well I finally got my house. Living here, just the three of us is everything I could have imagined. Although I keep expecting some roommate to walk through the door. I love our house. I love our neighborhood. I like being close to everything. Our neighbors all seem nice. I got to see Danny a couple of times, but he's been busy with school lately. There's a lot I want to do to make the house ours, but it takes a lot of money and we've been spending quite a bit of that. I know my salary can pay the mortgage on it's own, but that's about it. The other bills, jay has to cover. I haven't been paying attention to what he's been spending and that makes me a little worried. I opened up a joint checking account, but he says he doesn't want to use it. Yesterday, I signed us up for life insurance. After what happened to my mom, I just want to make sure our paperwork is in order in case anything happens to us. It's not a lot, and I know it's worth it. There's just a lot of emotions running through me lately... joy, fear, being overwhelmed, a sense of accomplishment. It's a lot to take in. I've been a bit nit-picky, but I think that's just my way of dealing with it all- focus on the details, not what they mean or the feelings they stir up. And on top of everything, I miss my mom. I know she's got to be proud of me, but I just wish I could hear her say it. Just a quick phone call so I could hear her tell me how much she loves me and how happy she is for me. I think about her a lot before I go to sleep. The next two months are going to be hard. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and then the anniversary of her death.
Jay wants to go back to NJ for Christmas. I don't think I do. I'm not sure how I feel. I'm excited for Cadence and our house. I'm sad because last year I knew my mom wouldn't see this Christmas and I wished that I could have spent it with her, but we couldn't. I just don't know how being with his family will make me feel, and I don't want to ruin it for everyone.
That's it for now. I need a hug, and then it's off to bed.
I'll try not to be a stranger.
previous - next
archery instructor aka wonderwoman - September 25, 2017
missing jay! - September 15, 2017
trying to remember, and wishing I could forget - September 07, 2017
completely overwhelmed - September 05, 2017
16 girl scouts - August 25, 2017
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