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December 29, 2005 - 8:04 am

the trouble with cleaning

so normally I like to clean for 2 main reasons- one: I take care of my things. I always have. That's what makes them look nice and last a long time. two: I hate living in filth. I hate when things are dirty or when you walk on the floor barefoot and crumbs get stuck to you. That's just disgusting.
But lately, and I'd say for quite a few months now, I haven't really enjoyed cleaning. I do it because I need to but I'm not excited about it anymore and I now know the reason why. It's not because I'm depressed or anything like that, it's because I don't want to live in this damn apartment anymore.
The way I see it is my subconscious is telling myself "don't clean- the dirtier it gets, the more you won't want to live here and the more it will motivate you to get out.
Reasons why I don't want to live here:
1- I never really wanted to move in. The only reason I went along with it was because it was free. I always thought that renting was a big waste of money and it is. Jay & I spend over $10,000 a year on rent. Think about that. We've lived here for over 2 years so thats 20 grand. 20 grand and nothing to show for it. It's like smoking cigarettes. If you smoke 1 pack a day at $6 for a year, that's $2,190! I have saved NOTHING for a house since we've moved in, it's almost 3 years since I had my car and there's no way I'll be able to pay it off by then like my last car. So yes, renting is a giant waste of money and sometimes I really hate myself for going along with this plan, but then if we didn't do it everyone would have found out about jay's license etc, etc so in essence, we didn't really have a choice (which sucks too).
Reason # 2 why I hate this apartment: living downstairs from Denise and John. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If I saw here a dozen times a year for holidays and such, we would probably get along fine but the fact that I know more than I need to know about her... it's not that I don't like her, but I completely disagree with the lack of respect she has for herself by letting that loser stay with her, the lack of appreciation she has for nice things (like her house and her clothes and her car)- she just doesn't take care of them, the lack of respect she has for her brother (assuming he'll just take care of things for her because he's her brother and he lives here without even asking or offering compensation), and the lack of common courtesy (aka borrowing something without asking). To me that's just manners and it is completely wrong to take something that doesn't belong to you without asking. And on top of all that, we have to listen to them argue all the time, sometimes waking me up from a sound sleep.
But we can't exactly move back to either of our homes and we'll never be able to afford a house so I guess I'm stuck here.

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