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October 13, 2005 - 7:30 am

burnt out?

I wish I could understand what was going on inside my head. For the past month or so I just don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to go to the gym, I don't want to clean, I just want to sit here and do nothing. Usually when I'm home I'm restless because I'm so bored. The only thing I can come up with that makes sense is that because I had to do EVERYTHING for the wedding that my brain overloaded and shut off. It wasn't hard, but it was a lot of work and no one helped me which upsets me a little but it needed to get done so I did it.
It's not that I'm not happy because when I'm with my family or jay or at work, I'm fine. I just wish I felt better. I feel like crying, but I can't even do that. I'm not scared or nervous about the wedding so it's nothing to do with that- honesetly I just wish it was already over with. It's not jay, although he upset me last night and this morning topped it. It's not work cuz that's alright. Maybe I'm just burnt out? But some days, like today, I feel like crawling up in a ball and dying. I just can't explain it.

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