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June 28, 2005 - 8:17 pm
ranting
so my weekend really sucked. Saturday I pretty much slept the entire day. I didn't really talk to anyone and anyone that called, I didn't pick up the phone. Sunday I felt a little better. I went for a drive- I went past danny's house and all the million cars are gone and their refrigerator is out in the driveway. He's really gone. Then I drove through lyndhurst and rutherford and was thinking about calling beth and seeing if she was home cuz I needed a hug but I didn't. I just went home instead. Yesterday I finally called candace back and spent a good 1/2 an hour on the phone with her. She's in a crappy situation too which makes me feel bad because she's throwing my bridal shower and she really doesn't have the cash for that. I haven't really seen jay in days. He's working nights now for extra money and when I get home, I come home to an empty house and eat dinner by myself. It's so depressing and I hate it. I know he's doing it for the money cuz we need it, but I need him here with me. I miss him like crazy. I hate being by myself so much.
Then I left like 15 people off the guest list so now we are up to 160 in a room that holds 125 max. And there's friends I'd really like to invite like auntie mar and chris and bill and beth, but I can't until 50 people tell me they aren't coming. I hate families. Out of that 160 at least 90 of them are Judy's (yet jay has no family that they see EVER). I hope no one comes and everyone just sends money. I don't want a bunch of people there that I don't even know or jay even knows! Everyone I invited are people in my family that I am close with (except fred's sisters but I didn't even want to invite them).
yes this has turned into another rant about the wedding. 4 months to the date. oh it's funny cuz Danice was online and she had in her profile 2 weeks to her wedding! I wonder if she's marrying dustin or someone else. I miss the drexel crew sometimes. I've been reminiscing a lot lately. Looking at old pictures- things were so much better when I was younger; everything was fun and I didn't worry about anything. Actually I remembered something that made me smile- it was january 2002 I was sick and beth went to the store to buy me video games for ps2! sometimes she just did awesome things like that.
ok wow that's depressing. i just listened to my voice mail and brooke's dog died over the weekend. she's only had her a few months. somehow she hanged herself. so many people are dying around here- no one i'm close to, but 2 degrees of separation like my "aunt's" boyfriend of a million years, a co-worker's 23 year old brother, a former school friend of my brother...
It's like it's circling in around me and closing in. I have to say I've been very lucky in life; I haven't lost too many people close to me- really just my brother's best friend Paul, and my "big sister" Jen. My grandparents on my dad's side, I didn't know and I hated my other grandfather because he was a sick bastard.
Now i'm ranting on about death. I'm sensing a pattern here. i'm going to go do my nightly chores now.
:(
previous - next
archery instructor aka wonderwoman - September 25, 2017
missing jay! - September 15, 2017
trying to remember, and wishing I could forget - September 07, 2017
completely overwhelmed - September 05, 2017
16 girl scouts - August 25, 2017
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