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June 25, 2005 - 8:01 am

sadness

ok so things have gotten a lot worse in the past week. Thursday nite I spent about 2 hours crying. Then I didn't sleep well and my eyes hurt so bad on Friday I didn't want to go to work, but I did anyway. Yesterday I didn't talk to anyone- didn't even say goodbye to jay in the morning. I just feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into this sadness, and I'm not exactly sure why. I mean I love jay- no doubt there. I want to get married & I'm excited about it, but I just don't feel like myself lately. I'm bored, I don't want to do anything or go anywhere or see anyone. I have no money and I have no friends again. Most of the time I don't even feel like going to the gym anymore. I go maybe 3-4 days a week now instead of 5-6. I should be there now as a matter of fact. I'll get there soon I'm sure. I started looking for a new job. I have a feeling that things are going to get very bad when rhonda leaves and I'm going to have to do all of her work plus mine, which will be impossible. Justin decided not to take the position; I'm glad because he's cocky and he gets irritated easily and I knew he wouldn't be cut out for it. I did order my veil and headpiece and my mom got her dress. I dunno- maybe you can help me. Here's a list of possible reasons why I'm sad. It could be a combination of all of them or something more that I'm still missing.

1- I'm excited for the wedding but financially it's killing me. I owe a lot more than I want to in credit cards, and most of the bills haven't even come in yet.

2- Jay can call up his friends at any time and go out. with mine I have to plan like a week in advance and then something happens and we don't hang out anyway- or they live too far away and I never see them.
I'm jealous- I really am. I wish I had that

3- Danny's gone- the phone numbers have been disconnected. I wrote him a letter explaining why I couldn't say goodbye and it took a lot out of me- drained me physically and emotionally. I'm so afraid that it will come back, saying it can't be fowarded and then I will have no way to contact him again.

4- then this job thing has me a bit worried. I'm still planning my 12 days off in sept/oct/november. I'm not bringing my cell phone and that's that. If they tell me I can't go, then forget it.

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archery instructor aka wonderwoman - September 25, 2017
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