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June 18, 2005 - 7:20 pm
the money depression (again)
ok I'm better now. Today is officially jays last day of probation (1 months already!) I got over the other day. Last night I was supposed to go out for brookes birthday but I was really depressed. I've been stressing a lot lately about money and bills coming in and not being able to save anything and the depressing thought that we'll never be able to afford a house. I didn't want to go out last night because i had no money which i am embarassed about. These girls are shelling out money for dresses and a shower and everything for my wedding and I couldn't even buy my friend a drink on her birthday. it made me feel like crap.
tonight the youth ahead is playing (probably right now). I would have like to have gone to that but I had no one to go with and I actually just woke up from a nap. I've been sleeping a lot lately- i do it when i'm bored and depressed. I'm bored cuz i have no money to go out and i'm depressed cuz i have no money so i sleep. I did go out today with my mom and she got her dress for the wedding. it's beautiful and she looks very elegant in it. it was almost as much as mine, which i think was too much, but she's only got one daughter. i wish i could be like jay sometimes and say fuck it and just go out and spend some money but i can't. i owe over 3k on my credit cards and that isn't even the start of the bills for the wedding. i'm just scared of being in debt, being stuck in this hellhole apartment that i'm just throwing money away on, never being able to get a house, never have enough to put away for when we have kids; and ill never ask anyone for money because that's the way that i am.
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archery instructor aka wonderwoman - September 25, 2017
missing jay! - September 15, 2017
trying to remember, and wishing I could forget - September 07, 2017
completely overwhelmed - September 05, 2017
16 girl scouts - August 25, 2017
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