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May 23, 2004 - 11:35 pm

too much drinking!

ok well between tuesday and now... Tuesday I dropped jay off after work, he did his thing. Wednesday I don't remember what I did. Thurrsday I didn't go to dannys. I didn't feel like it. By the time I get home I don't want to go back out again. Jay and I watched CSI though. Friday was Candace's birthday so Erica, Sandra Kelly and I had a party for her at work and then the 4 of us plus her Fiancee, dave went to the Euro Lounge in Lyndhurst for some eating drinking and dancing. Well I don't think I did enough eating but I did enough drinking and dancing for everyone. I got so hammered but I didn't even feel like it. Until I started throwing up, and then I couldnt stop throwing up. It was awful. :( I threw up in the bathroom there, at the gas station, on rt 21 and when I got home. Jay was just getting home the same time I was thank god so he brought me inside and got me ready for bed. I threw up for probably an hour before I fell asleep and then when I got up at 7 I threw up for like 3 hours more. I slept almost the entire day because I just felt so horrible. Now I remember why I don't go out or drink anymore! I had a fun time though, dancing by myself and just hanging out with my friends from work.

Jay has been so sweet to me. Making me food, stealing me flowers from wendy's. I love him so so much. In fact in my drunkenness, I said to him "would you marry me" I guess because I was curious to find out if he actually would or not and he said yes, or at least that's what he told me. I guess when he is ready he will ask but at least now I know that I don't have a false hope. Things have just been so wonderful between us lately. We are communicating better and it's almost like I'm falling in love with him all over again, remembering why I did in the first place.

Its hard when you see a person every day to remember why they are so special because you just get used to them being around and being who they are.

But I have to say that I'm the luckiest girl in the world and I feel bad for ever thinking that he'd cheat on me or deliberately hurt me. I know it's only human to have doubts or fears, but it really hurts me to think that I almost gave all of this up and the pain that I put him through.

Today we did a few errands. Went to JC penny and jay got a new pair of sneakers with the gift card from my birthday returns. I got myself a shirt and theres still about $25 left over.

Right now he's up in Nanuet with the boys. I did some more cleaning and made laura the cds she wanted. I started working on the covers but then didn't feel like doing that anymore. I'm starting to get tired so I might go to bed but I really wanted to wait up for jay.

ps my pics don't work anymore because my gold membership ran out.. i will fix them later

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archery instructor aka wonderwoman - September 25, 2017
missing jay! - September 15, 2017
trying to remember, and wishing I could forget - September 07, 2017
completely overwhelmed - September 05, 2017
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