index
older
add a note diaryland
|
August 18, 2003 - 8:37 am Wellthis weekend sucked, as usual. Friday jay came over after work and we hung out by my house and then he went home and I met him there. Davey was hanging out when I got there so the three of us sat up in jay's room looking at car videos and then I fell asleep. Saturday we went to McDonalds then by the time we got to my house to go swimming it started to thunder and the clouds rolled in, so no swimming. Then we picked up dave and went to outback and then hey since it's saturday night, we sat at daves house and watched tv. Gee what a suprise. I left cuz i was tired and jay dave and davey went to the movies. Sunday I went home and washed my car- hung out there for a little while and then oh big suprise- went back to dave's house to watch movies. It was so beautiful out and I sat inside watching tv. THere's only a few weeks of summer left- that's not exactly what I would have liked to have been doing. Then we went with dave to take his niece home and since we couldn't make the 9pm movie, we went to the 10. But we had to go to edgewater because it's soooo much better.. It's really not. It's pretty much the same and more expensive and farther away so it takes forever to get there and forever to get home. My head was pounding when I finally got to my car and all I wanted to do was go home and go to sleep since it's been so long since I've slept in my own bed but jay decides to come over. I would have much rather been alone. So on the eve of our one year anniversary, I'm beginning to have doubts about jay and I. I dunno- things just don't seem right. Sometimes I feel as though he wouldn't notice if I was there or not. I don't feel appreciated anymore. I got dressed up nice this weekend twice and he never even said that I looked nice. And we always hang out with his friends, never mine. I never get to see my friends. I don't think that's fair- not that I have many good friends, but still I never see them (except for danny on thursdays but he never goes with me). And then when I do hang out with my friends I feel guiltly about it. I dunno. Maybe I'm being silly but then again maybe I'm not. What if this entire year was just a big lie? Then again, what if I'm just trying to sabatoge myself because I'm scared? I wish I had someone to talk to about this. And now it's monday morning and my head is still pounding and I feel like I'm gonna puke. archery instructor aka wonderwoman - September 25, 2017 |