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August 27, 2002 - 12:09 pm

torn

grr

grr

grr

I am so frustrated. For some reason I can't get my email to sync with my phone and its not that it's really important- its just really annoying. I never heard from beth yesterday so i didnt get my hair cut. I never fell asleep on sunday so I was so tired yesterday. My body just did not want to fall asleep. It's so frustrating. I finally ended up falling asleep around 4pm and slept until 7 ish and then I had dinner and went back to sleep at like 9:30 but then I was up at 3 cuz jay called me and then i couldnt fall back asleep so I called bill and left him a message to wish him a happy birthday- he turns 21 today and I was gonna be the better person and at least say happy birthday.

I finally fell back asleep around 5 or so and slept till 9. It feels like ive been up forever though. I NEED to do laundry. I NEED to do my dishes. I applied for a few jobs online- I NEED to finda job because I'm only gonna get like $120 a week from unemployment, and between my new engine and what I gotta pay Jerry, there goes my savings.........

I also need to gain some weight- im down to 88lbs and that is so not healthy so I'm eating microwave popcorn for luch. lovely.

I got an email today from laura with some information that i am not pleased to hear about. she doesn't want me to say anything but lets just say that if i ever see my boss again, I am going to punch his face in.

so about jay- we've hung out 4 times this past week and hes really nice and really sweet but there are 2 problems..

#1 he's a guy

#2 I am deathly afraid of any type of commitment and already I'm starting to miss him when hes not around

So im trying to keep my distance because i know this is not right for me and this is not the right time but he makes me feel wanted and that is such an awesome feeling. I mean when we went up to naunet and were walkin around and lookin at the cars he held my hand and paraded me around like i was miss fuckin universe. i can't remember the last time someone did that to me, especially where he knew a bunch of people.

and i love to be hugged. I think it is the BEST feeling in the world.

so I'm still torn- between who I know I am and who I say I am and it really does suck.

previous - next


archery instructor aka wonderwoman - September 25, 2017
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