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March 10, 2002 - 12:04 am

mmm......... celica

I wish there was a way to fuck my car cuz i would. I'm becoming obsessed.. It is the number one lady in my life cuz it don't gimmie no shit!

Disturbing thoughts, I know but i dont care. I only know of a few people who read thing anyway but that doesn't make too much of a difference- I just write to keep my sanity.

Soo I've kept a promise to myself and a few others and I haven't done any cutting since I got my new job and my scars are healing nicely.

I got to see Gerard today and it was nice. We talked about a bunch of stuff yesterday and things are better now. I don't want to throw him off a cliff.

I actually had the nerve to show up at staples today- wanted to say bye in case I die in a plane crash or something.

I also got to spend some time with danny too. Beth called me today and that was just totally weird. I can't see her ever again or hang out with her. It's just too weird for me. I'm not into the whole lesbian scene- in fact i think i might be done with it entirely. I know I've said it before but I had to take care of unfinished business. It's taken care of and its been a lot more trouble than its worth and i just dont feel like dealing with it anymore. I mean things could have worked out but they didn't, like usual (big suprise) so i dont see a point in trying again.

I am just so excited to go on vacation. I can't wait! It's just what i need-- a week to think- no cellphone this time! That was my big mistake in may- took the cell talked to bill........ god i havent talked to him in forever- its pretty amazing on my part and i'm proud of myself. :)

I have too much going on to worry about that too and theres no use in worrying cuz i cant do anything about it so why even bother, right? right!

ha im such a loser.

"I had a dream of unity where we would walk side by side but today i see its only me just tryin to get by."

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